


beating hearts (forgotten smiles)

by dullsville



Series: wishing we were warmer [3]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Light Angst, post 4x13, the radio works with everyone !!, they need happiness and to see each other so guess what thats gonna happen!!!! or is it?? dun dun, they need to forgive themselves and be HAPPY ok, we need to see them forgive themselves AND each other so thats what y'all r gonna get !!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-10-14 14:12:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17510114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dullsville/pseuds/dullsville
Summary: Octavia thinks her brother is in love with someone else, Bellamy thinks he only has two more years until they go back home, and Clarke thinks about the past.Or the one where Raven falls in love.





	beating hearts (forgotten smiles)

 

_ End of Year Three _

He sees the end is near and he is not afraid.

The end is something he has dreamed of, falling into memories and dreams of the future, knowing that what is to come won't hurt. It will take him into it's open arms and burn away the bad, burning away the guilt. He will be cleansed. The end is something he is not afraid of, it is something he waits for. 

He knows that whatever is to come will be beautiful, because she will be there. She will guide him, take his hand, and lead him into something much more beautiful than this. Space is endless and dull without her face and the burden he holds still weights deeply on his shoulders. He worries he will never get past what has happened, but he knows how she feels.

And how she feels means more to him.

She is the light that he sees at the end of the dark tunnel and she will always be that shining light.

Bringing warmth to his face and consuming him.

She will always be there.

And he'll always be waiting.

______________________

_ 891 days _

Raven barely has the radio working for receiving both ends when it crackles to its familiar singsongy life. 

"Tell me," Octavia starts and Raven can already tell where it's going. "What's got Bellamy so happy?"

Raven opens her mouth to speak, a smile on her face when Octavia rushes out with, "Because I get that's he's happy because _I'm here, obviously_ , but he has some sorta of-" she pauses for a second because continuing with, "-a giddy sense to him, like he's in love."

Raven coughs, pressing down the button for her to speak, playing dumb, "In love? What makes you think that?"

"I get that him and Echo have some sort of weird way about themselves, but he can't be in love with her, _right_?"

"Echo?" Raven scoffs, a smile on her face. She liked where this was heading, she liked playing this game with her. She wasn't going to lie technically, but she was going to have fun with this. Besides, what else could she do on this ship besides tinker with her supplies and make out with Murphy occasionally. "Yeah, I guess I could see it, but I haven't seen them talk to each other in a while-"

"Bellamy talked to me about her last night, well…not really-" she sighs on the other end. "-he was talking about _someone_."

It all clicks for Raven, right then and there, Octavia didn't know they had a direct line to Clarke. She didn't know the other was alive, while Clarke knew exactly what was going on thanks to her frequent talks with Bellamy. A part of her didn't want to ruin the game and the other wanted to spoil it all when Octavia speaks again, "I mean, who else could he be talking about right? It's not like he's banging it out with Emori or Harper or _you_ -"

"I wonder what made them get so close then," Raven says, hiding her laugh. "I mean, I guess they have been having lunch together more often…"

"Should I ask him about it?"

"No!" Raven says a little too quickly which she recovers with a softer, "No, not yet at least. Let him tell you, right?"

"Yeah, right," she says back, sounding like he was already coming up with a detailed plan to ask him all about his undying love for Echo who was in her own undying love romance with Emori, while Bellamy was in his own undying love for Clarke. The whole situation made for a great game she had started, hoping it wouldn't necessarily come back to kick her in the ass but kind of hoping it would. 

They needed more excitement here.

More fun.

And more fun was what they were about to get.

______________________

_ 903 days _

Clarke thinks about Lexa. 

More than she wished but a little less than she would've liked. 

She remembers her face and her voice, only faintly, but she's beginning to forget how she felt. How her skin felt when she ran her hands over her palms and over her arms and then over her back and up to her face. She doesn't feel it in her dreams anymore, it's been too long without her.

_"Clarke," Lexa whispers with a smile, running a hand over the girls cheek and bringing her closer as she says with a delicate tone with a hint of the Commander coming out, "You can stay here, with me…if you like."_

_Clarke only stares at her and breaks their gaze to look back at the door where she sees the back of Bellamy, standing near the door and she could tell he was stressed by the way his arms were crossed. She could see next to him was Raven, hair messy around her face and she could detect the slightest hint of sweat gleaming across the girls cheeks as she turns back to Lexa with a small frown, "I can't, my people need me."_

_Lexa's hands fall from her face and nods with a solemn smile, "I can only hope that you can return to me, soon."_

_"If the war goes as planned, we might see each other more than we like," Clarke says back with a hint of a smile. She takes a step back, towards her people and away from the person who would soon be more important to her than life itself as she says with slight hope, "May we meet again?"_

_Lexa smiles fully, showing her teeth and shielding her eyes as she looks down, only to look back up and nod, "Soon, Clarke kom Skaikru."_

_Clarke falls back from her, taking a step away with a smile as she moves to the door. She feels Bellamy's hand on her back, steadying and guiding her. She smiles up to him and she feels as if she won't ever return here, but she knows better. They all do._

_"Did it go the way we planned?" Raven asks her as they walk out and towards the exit._

_Clarke feigns another smile and nods, "When has it ever gone our way?"_

She remembers a time when she hated Lexa, with more of a vibrating rage that surprised herself now as she ages and as time passes. She wonders what could've been if they hadn't become allies or friends or lovers. She wonders where she would've been now, could she have found Madi like she had or would time had changed completely.

She shakes her head and remembers the good, but she can't help always remembering the bad.

 _"You left us in there to die!" she screams, watching the Commander back away with her troops and with the people she had truly planned on saving. It was her people and her people alone and Clarke's face goes red and her mind goes blank with untamed anger. "You never planned on helping us! You used us! You used_ me _!"_

_Lexa only shakes her head. "I had to save my people."_

_"What about mine?!"_

_"You will understand this one day, Clarke kom Skaikru. One day, you will understand why I had to do this and you will come to peace with this," Lexa says back to her as a smile fades from her face as the shadows consume her._

_Clarke stands there, panting and trying to understand this newfound betrayal and anger as she screams into the dark night, "If my people are dead, we will kill you!"_

_She only hears laughter and she has a hard time breathing as she turns, facing the entrance of Mount Weather and praying to whatever God that would listen that Bellamy was okay inside, that they all were but she found herself whispering and muttering to the breeze and to the sky, "Please," she begs. "Let him be alright, let him be alive."_

_She takes a deep breath, pulls her gun from her waistband and heads inside, where the darkness welcomed her like a void made for only her._

Clarke has a hard time thinking through the past, wondering if Lexa had been right all along when she told her love was weakness, but Clarke knew better, didn't she? Didn't she know that love was above all other things, that it was their one constant and the one thing that brought people together besides family and friendship and kindness. She knew better, she had too. 

But not everything was about love. 

Love wouldn't bring Bellamy back to earth quicker and it wouldn't magically give Raven all of the answers to fix the Ark, and it definitely wouldn't unbury the bunker and finally free Octavia from her earthen grave. It wouldn't give everyone the answers they prayed for, but it did give them hope. It gave Clarke hope that Bellamy would come down in one piece and she would see him, touch him, again. It gave Clarke hope that Raven would figure everything out and find the safest way to get back and it gave Clarke hope that once everyone was home and safe, Octavia would be free.

"Wanna go down to the lake?" 

Clarke turns, shaken from her thoughts and smiles at the younger girl and nods, "Maybe we can find some more fish, like the last time?"

"I'll get blankets and a basket!"

Madi runs off towards the house and Clarke looks back out over the trees, the green smiling back at her as she stands from her spot nestled in the grass. She touches the tree closest to her and runs her fingers over the bark and wonders how she got so lucky. How she got so lucky finding Madi and finally having the radio work and getting to be _here_.

Safe and sound and with someone she loves.

______________________

_910 days_

Octavia runs her fingers over the railing, standing from her throne and smiling at the people below who were training. They weren't fighting anymore, never again. They would train and prepare for whatever laid outside the bunker. She feared it would be feral, territorial, a dangerous world. She had no clue what was waiting for her, so she needed to prepare. 

Prepare her people, but most importantly, prepare herself.

She moves from her seat and throws her hair back, pulling it into something messy she used to wear and walked around towards the ramp to the arena, to the old fighting pits. Parts of the floor were still stained with blood and the walls had marks in them from swords and knifes, but they moved past it, they all did. Besides the pits finally being shut down, they found a way to make food thanks to the very helpful Monty, telling her and her farmers exactly how to make the algae that would let them survive and _thrive_.

They still weren't back to what they were in the beginning, strong and healthy, but they were getting there. Every week, they were getting better.

"Bend yours knees," Miller tells one of the men who originally belonged to Skaikru who held a sword and practiced swinging and hitting an old dummy they created from old wood from storage. "And shift your weight."

Octavia smiled, her people were working together, they weren't fighting or crying or screaming. They were smiling and working together like they should've been doing all of this time. She still fights herself over what had happened and how things originally went, they should never have gone so far, gone so bad. But it was the past and they were growing from their mistakes and she was growing as a leader.

"Tell me," she smiled as Miller takes a step back with his own smile on his face. "How great is this?"

His grin grows and places a warming hand on her shoulder, squeezing. "We're getting stronger, smarter, healthier-it's perfect, O. _You_ did this." 

"It wasn't just me," she tells him. "It was all of us. We did this together."

She looks over her people, who greeted her with smiles and quaint hellos as she moves past Miller to find Kane, who stands near a healthy Abby. They were all getting past the year they would've called the Dark Year. They overcame their differences and banded together to finally do something right.

"Two more weeks and the algae farm should be producing enough for us to survive for the next five years if need be," Abby tells her as she approaches them. There's still tension between the two, when Abby tried to force the idea of cannibalism upon her and their people, but they overcame that and agreed that it would've only turned them into something they couldn't move on from. "And with what's going on now with the practices and battle strategy classes for the younger children, this could be a place we could truly strive in."

"But not much longer until Bellamy comes home too," Octavia says with a smile, her radio attached to her hip. Raven helped her disconnect from the computers and the large communication systems, allowing her to move freely with her family and friends with her at all times. "We'll be able to get out of the bunker and finally see the outdoors, feel the _sun_."

Abby smiles but something in her eyes tells Octavia it isn't all that great. It has been thirty-six days since they finally reached the Ark and no work about Clarke. When Raven finally reached the bunker and their communication systems finally connected, Octavia half expected to hear Clarke's voice first. It was always Clarke, wasn't it? Their fearless leader who drove her brother mad but saved their lives countless times. Clarke who Octavia hated, but was foolish too. She didn't need to be angry, she had always been so angry.

"Do you think Clarke survived the death wave?" Abby finally says and Kane's hand going to rest against her back, reassuring her.

"Maybe," Octavia responds. She feels remorse and guilt, never having asked Bellamy if Clarke was alive, much less if they had a radio signal connecting the two. She figured once their radios both worked, Clarke would've raced to speak to Abby, but she never heard from her and no one brought her up so she didn't think she should've.

She definitely should've. 

"I'll reach out tonight, figure it all out," she tells the pair and leaves them feeling more guilty than before. She had all of this free time devoted to speaking to her brother and asking questions and learning and she had forgotten the most important questions of them all. Was Clarke even alive and why isn't she with you?

She realizes later, as Raven laughs, that she _messed up big time_.

"I was trying to fix our connections before surprising you," Raven tells her with the hint of laughter still in her voice. "Was going to surprise all of you there, especially Abby. Thought she'd want to hear from her first hand then just from us."

"I should've asked you about her," Octavia breaths, rubbing her forehead. "I was going to blame my excitement for finally hearing from you guys, but let's face it-I completely forgot!"

There's silence from the other end.

"She saved all of our lives," Raven says suddenly, the way her voice dropped to a mere whisper shocks Octavia as she learns of her friends true fate. "Without her, we wouldn't have survived."

"But she was left behind…to die. How is that at all fair to her?" she frowned, sitting back against her bed and crossing her arms. "Like, don't get me wrong, it's great that you're all still alive but what about her? How is she even surviving on her own? Does she have food? Has she tried to get us out of the fucking bunker? Why haven't I heard from her from outside-"

"Octavia," Raven says slowly and Octavia breathes deeply, calming herself. "It's not that simple."

She sighs. "I know."

"We know that she's alive and she found another nightblood like herself, a young girl named Madi. They live together in the only patch of green left on the planet, just a few miles out from the bunker. She told us during the first few days…she tried to get in to see you all. She tried to see if everyone was okay but it's blocked off by a mountain of rocks and rubble from the wave. She tried, she really did, but she and Madi can't do it by themselves." 

Raven is telling her the truth but it still hurts Octavia to the point that she has tears come to her eyes and she has to press her hands against her eyes to make them stop. 

When she speaks, she has emotion in her voice that she didn't think she could muster. "For so long, we thought you were all dead. Everyone who didn't make it into the bunker-was dead. For so long we believed this and to hear that everyone on the Ark is alive and so is-" her voice cracks. "-and so is Clarke? It's so relieving, it's just so goddamn relieving." She takes a deep breath, deeper than before and laughs through the emotions as she asks, "Tell me, when do I get to finally hear from Clarke and meet Madi?"

"Soon," Raven tells her and Octavia smiles.

She's hopeful. 

And she thought with being stuck inside the bunker, she wouldn't feel as much hope as she does now, but she does. She's so damn hopeful for the future, she has trouble waiting patiently for it all to finally happen.

______________________

_923 days_

"Pass me the wrench," Raven says, holding out her hand.

Harper passes it with a sigh, looking towards Echo and then back to Raven before finally blurting out, "Did you really tell Octavia that Bellamy was in love with Echo? _Really_?"

Emori stifles a laugh as Echo rolls her eyes as Raven responds, "Harper, I've told you this like- _five times now_."

She shakes her head, rubbing her face with one hand as she leaned back against the wall. She thought it was funny, she really did, but Bellamy didn't know and she didn't quite understand what that could mean for him and for all of them. "Do we all really have to lie too? Because you know how bad of a liar I am-"

"Yeah and we all know," Echo says back. "Last week you tried to lie and say that it was Murphy who stole my tapes!"

"You believed me-"

"Of course I didn't believe you!" Echo says with a laugh so hard she has to lean back against the wall to steady herself as she chokes out with, "You were holding the tapes in your hands and you couldn't keep a straight face at all!"

Raven smiles, sitting up from her work on the radio. "Good thing O doesn't have to see you talk, she won't ever know you're lying."

Harper sighs, biting her lip and changing the subject. "Do you believe that we'll be able to get back down to earth in two more years?"

"Of course, why?" Emori asks, frowning. She crosses her arms over her chest, looking now only a little nervous. 

Harper shrugs. "It just all feels like everything is going our way right now and believe me, _that never happens_." She puts down the other tools she has had in her hands and moves to the door to shut it, her chest tight with anxiety. "Life just seems too good for it be to normal, for everything to be going our way?" She spins around to face the other women. "If we were on earth right now, there would be a thousand things in our way."

"But we aren't anymore," Emori tells her, noticing how upset the other woman was getting. "We're safe. To a point at least."

"To a point?"

"Yeah, the food is shit but we're still safe."

"Our stomachs might not be so safe," Echo says under her breath and the two share a look with small smiles as Harper exhales and rolls her eyes in response. Raven packs her tools up and looks at the two lovebirds, their hands brushing as they stand together.

"Why don't you two just go get a room?" Raven laughs, taking Harper's arm. "Or better yet, lets go get drinks! Heard Monty's trying new recipes."

"He told me they suck, but they suck less than the others so thats a plus," Harper says before looking away in wonder as she sighs, "Maybe, one day, he'll finally be able to make a moonshine that doesn't completely taste of ass."

"Yeah, when pigs fly," Emori groans and the four leave, in search of something to get the thought of impending doom and wonder out of the air. 

Harper only hopes they get home in time, she wanted to see Clarke. To finally be taken home, feel fresh air on her face and look at the _sun_. It was different here, looking at the sun through their windows, watching it cast it's bright light through the glass but never feeling it. Not truly at least.

She wanted to feet the grass between her toes and hands, to feel how soft and cool it all was against her. She missed the ground and seeing it from so far away made her miss it even more, leaving a hollow feeling in her chest as she thinks about her time there. She fell in love on the ground and although she was grateful it was brought to the sky with her, she still missed it. 

It brought everything Jasper warned them all about.

Death, destruction, ruin, sorrow, and mourning…but she still missed it.

A part of her envied Clarke for getting to stay but then she remembers, how horrible it was for her in the beginning. Being alone, not having food or water, and thinking everyone was dead. She wouldn't of lasted down there by herself and she feels bad sometimes, when the thought crosses her mind that she was thankful it was Clarke and not her. That it was Clarke who had to stay in order for them all to live and not her or Raven or Monty or even Murphy. She feels guilt in her chest and in her head and heart when she thinks of it, wanting never to wish something as horrible as that on anyone. 

It was a fate worse than death to be alone.

______________________

_930 days_

_"Finn," she whispers, looking up at him from her spot on the table. Her body ached and her heart was racing and there was sweat running down every inch of her body. All she wanted was to close her eyes and forget the hell she went through and forget it all. "You should leave."_

_He takes her hand, sniffling and wiping his mouth with his other hand. "Raven, I love you-please, I'm sorry."_

_She shakes her head. "No you're not. If you were sorry, you would never of done it. You would've never slept with her if you were sorry." She has a hard time believing him but a part of her wants to believe him and take him into her arms and never let him go. But he hurt her and he needed to know that. He needed to know how badly he hurt her, how he broke her heart. She takes a deep breath and says in a steady voice with a lack of emotion she feared would come out, "You stopped loving me the instant your feet touched the ground. You went after Clarke because you knew you would get away with it, you thought you had it all figured out. Covering for me with the space walk and getting the hell off the Ark just so you can fuck whatever you want without any consequences. But guess what, here's the fucking consequence. You never took into account that I would come down after you, you never accounted for how much I_ loved _you."_

 _He bows his head and when he looks up at her, there are tears in his eyes. His bottom lip trembles when he speaks to her and she has a hard time not slapping the look clean off his face. "Raven, I'm so-so-sorry. Please, I'll do anything to get you back-_ anything _-"_

_"You just don't get it," she laughs, looking up and away from him. Her eyes on the ceiling, she thinks of when they were younger and how in love she was with him. How she would've thrown everything away to be with him. She followed him to the ground for Gods sake and it still wasn't enough. It would never be enough and she was finally okay with it. She was fine with what happened and what was going to happen because she was moving on, like he should. But there was still that part of her, the part of her that had loved him with every fiber of her being, that wanted to keep him right here by her side but she knew better._

_When she speaks, she's looking at him and she feels the emotion in her throat and in the back of her eyes as she blinds and says to him, "I don't love you anymore, not like I did."_

_He nods and he opens his mouth, letting out a bard breath like it was his heart breaking and not hers. It was always her heart breaking, he just didn't have one to break._

Raven wakes up not out of breath or startled, but she is calm. Her breathing is normal and she rolls over in her bed to face Murphy who's eyes are closed peacefully. He's lost in sleep and she looks at him, knowing that what happened between her and Finn had to happen for this. She understood why Finn did what he did and she was alright with that, her heart was coming to terms with it all.

She was getting to have her own peace with it, slowly but surely.

______________________

_937 days_

Bellamy was in trouble.

Not life threatening trouble, but it might as well have been life threatening.

He had forgotten to talk to Madi last night, having promised her he would continue one of his many stories but he lost track of time as dinner with Monty and Murphy, having had way too many shots of _whatever_ Monty had given them and was now experiencing a hangover he was certain would kill him.

"Clarke," he groans into the radio, the one Raven had made him separately so they could talk whenever they wanted and not bother Raven as she said it was  _super annoying and she had enough of the two gushing and crying over each other in her work shop._ "Can you please give her the radio? I'm really, really sorry-"

Clarke laughs, stopping him from speaking because he was still so in awe of her. That she was alive and breathing and sounding so carefree and beautiful. He pictures her, sitting near the lake she described to him before, hair past her shoulders, shoulders bare, her toes buried in the grass, and the sun shining across her cheeks. "It's adorable, how you think she's actually mad at you."

His smile falls. "What?"

"She's a kid Bellamy," Clarke tells him, her voice light and soft. "She'll get over it and be running back to you in no time. She's just frustrated and maybe a little disappointed that you chose to get drunk instead of talking to her."

"Don't tell me you're mad too?" he runs a hand over his mouth and eyes, feeling sick and wanting nothing more than to just lay down and never get up again but her voice brings him back and he smiles as she speaks.

"I'm not mad!" she's laughing on the other end. "Just jealous… _really_ jealous that you can get drunk and I can't."

"Maybe I'll have to bring some down with me when we get back," he says in a voice that's promising and sure of the fact they will return home in two years. He was positive they would, he couldn't spend another day apart from her. "Will you tell Madi that I'm still extremely sorry and that I'm a jackass for forgetting?"

"Yeah, you're definitely a jackass," he hears Madi say, voice distant life she was a few feet from Clarke as she said it. Clarke is laughing, harder now and agrees with the younger girl, "Oh, he's definitely a jackass!"

The radio is handed over to Madi as she's the only voice he hears now. "Can you just remember to tell me the rest tomorrow?" she sounds like she's forgiven him, to a point and he's nodding and saying back, "Of course-Madi, I'm sorry-"

"You'll be making it up to me," she snaps back in a happy voice, like she's proud of herself. "I'm thinking with a prolonged story this time. Maybe with more violence and more of the two being in love. I want more of that this time."

"Consider it done," he grins, resting on his side on his bed and thinking of the two girls, spending their time in the sun and running through the grass and trees and he wishes he was with them. He closes his eyes and pictures himself with them, sitting beside Clarke as Madi splashes through the lake as they all lap up the sun and heat.

It's as if she reads his mind because the younger girl sighs and says to him, "Clarke won't say it aloud, but she wishes she could see you. Wish that you were with us." 

"Is she still with you?" he asks.

"No, she went to check the crops we planted last week. We've already gotten beans and berries."

"Madi…it's my fault she's not with us," he confesses to her, like he's held in some long secret. "She agreed to go to the tower, to get the Ark running for us but it should've been me. I was so consumed with the idea of getting the hell off the planet, I just assumed she would be there afterwards but she wasn't."

Madi is silent for a beat, like she was thinking and it sends Bellamy into a nervous sweat. When she speaks, her voice is soft and apologetic. 

"It's not your fault, Bellamy," she says, calming him. "It was never your fault, it wasn't anybodies. Clarke told me about you all, all of the stories about your adventures and all of the wars. It wasn't your faults then and it's not now, so don't blame yourself. What happened? Happened for a reason. Without her being left behind, like you guys always put it, she would never have found me. I don't know if I would've lasted out here by myself for so long, I was surviving by myself. I was alone. And now I'm not, thanks to you and the rest on the Ark. Without your help, I would've died a long time ago. Not even with my impressive survival skills would've saved me from the poisonous plants I hadn't known about and the storms and the desert killers that bury into our skin. I would've died…but because of you I'm here."

Now he's the silent one. His heart is beating in his chest and he still feels sick, but he feels better. 

Only slightly.

Here was this young girl, telling him that without his mistake she would've died and it surprisingly makes him feel better as twisted as that may sound. He understands that everything happens for a reason and this was his reason, this sweet, fiery, extraordinary little girl who, before all of this hell that rained down upon them, could've been the new Commander. 

"Tomorrow," he says to her with a smile. "I'll tell you whatever story you want to hear."

The girl laughs and he feels whole again.

______________________

 _965 days_  

Raven kisses Murphy's cheek as she leaves her room that has become his over time. 

It feels normal.

It feels right, to kiss him and to get up from the bed she shared with him. It feels so different from her time with Finn, how their love was something based on friendship and then based on cruel intentions. Yet, this all just felt _right_. Murphy was right for her and it really struck her that she was falling so quickly for someone whom she used to hate. Someone she used to grudgingly knock into and scowl at in distaste. She hated his guts not too long ago, but the ground changed her just like space. 

Murphy's hand grabs hers and stops her in the hallway where she turns to look at him with a smile.

"What?"

He smiles.

" _What_?" she asks again, playfully.

He shrugs, still with a impish smile on his face and she has a hard time breathing. "You just look really good, that's all."

She smirks. "I always look good, now come on, we got work to do."

"What type of work?"

"Fixing the radio, duh."

"Raven, you've been working on that for months now, you really think todays the day?"

She smiles and rolls her eyes and says, "Come on, have a little faith in me, will ya? Besides, I feel it today."

"Feel like you're finally going to achieve the near impossible?" he asks with a laugh as he falls into step with her. 

When they stop walking, they're standing outside her workshop and they are standing a good decent distance away from each other. She looks at him and has the urge to throw herself at him like she did last night and the nights before too, but she holds her ground, keeping her composure. She crosses her arms over her chest and takes a deep breath, "You're happy right?"

His brows furrow in confusion.

"You're happy with me, right? Like this is all really good and it's still good?"

"What are you talking about?" he breathes with a hint of a laugh on his tongue. "Of course we're good? Great even…why are you asking me this? Are _you_ not happy with what's going on between us-"

"No-no-" she rubs her forehead, finding it difficult to express her feelings with him. He was the complete opposite of Finn and yet, he was everything perfect and better than Finn. "-I'm just really, _really_ happy."

He steps forward and snakes his arms around her waist. "That's good to hear, you got me a little scared for a second. Is everything alright?"

She's not very used to him being so gentle and just so… _loving_. "I've been thinking of Finn a lot recently."

"Well, that's not good."

"It's not like that," she laughs. 

"What's made you start thinking of him?" he asks. "It's just been a long time since you've even mentioned him."

"He was the love of my life," she whispers to him, finding it hard to speak louder than a whisper so she pulls him into her workshop and closes the door. He stands across from her, looking worried and confused and she's afraid she's ruining it all. She clears her throat and continues, "And I've been thinking about all of things that made me love him and sure, there was a lot of factors but he wasn't the right one for me. He might've been for a while, but not anymore. If he walked through that door, I wouldn't go back to him because towards the end of his life he turned into someone unrecognizable but then I realized, that's who he was the entire time, you know?" she rubs her forehead and groans. "I just couldn't see it because I was so blindly in love with him, kind of like how I was blinded by anger towards you that I never looked past that and it took me a long time to see it and realize it-"

"Raven, what the hell are you even talking about?" he stops her, looking at her with confusion etched across his face. "I get that you hated me a lot, why bring that up?"

"Because I don't hate you a lot."

"Not a lot?"

"No."

"That's good to hear, that you don't hate me a lot."

"Murphy," she sighs with a smile. "You just make me a lot happier than he did. He did a lot of bad things and that's why he's dead but you-"

"Also did a lot of bad things for bad reasons but I'm still alive?"

"No, that's not what I'm talking about-"

"Raven, you know how sorry I am about everything that happened- _especially_ -with your leg. I get it if you don't want to be with me anymore because of it and I even get it if you suddenly want nothing to do with me because I know how much it hurts you. I see you rubbing your leg at night when you think I'm asleep and I see you when you cry when you _really_ don't think I'm noticing-"

"Murphy! Shut the hell up and let me speak!" she laughs, taking a step forward and taking both of his hands into hers. "Don't you get it? I don't hate you at all, I'm like, confessing my feelings for you, you shit."

He rolls his eyes, "Jesus, Reyes, you scared the shit out of me. Thought you were about to tell me you hated me, besides, haven't we done this all before?"

"Yeah, but this is just a reminder."

"A reminder?"

"Yeah, a reminder. So you know how much I care about you," she looks at him and sighs, resting her head against his chest as she speaks softly, "About me and my leg, I only do that because I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I never wanted you to know that it still hurts, but sometimes I just need to work out the kinks, get it feeling easy again. I don't want to put that burden on you."

"Too late," he smiles. He looks over at her chair and motions for her to go towards it. "Sit," he says. "Let _me_ help you."

She sits down and he gets down on one knee. He takes her leg and props it up on his knee and slowly takes the brace off, running his hands over her leg before setting it aside next to him. She sighs at his touch as he works out the tightness in her leg and makes it feel _good_. His fingers find the just the right spots and her leg is already beginning to feel better as she sits back in her seat and closes her eyes and says, "You're too damn good for me."

"You got that right."

She smiles and opens her eyes, she takes his hand and makes him look at her. "You do know that I'm like, in love with you right? You know that I don't hate you and I haven't for a long time, like a very long time."

His eyes are bright and he smiles at her like she's everything because she is. He leans closer to her as she bends down to meet him in the middle as he whispers just inches from her face and lips, "Glad to know, thought you'd also like to know I'm in love with you too."

Her smile grows as their lips brush and she's breathing heavier as she says, "Good, or this would be way too awkward."

They close the distance and kiss like it was meant to be. 

His hands go to her waist and her arms go to his face, keeping his close and kissing her as deeply as he can. He lifts her easily and moves her to her work desk and she feels him move her papers off to the side but not completely off the desk because he knows how much time she's spent working on them all. He moves his hands from her waist to her face as she moves hers to his chest. 

He's warm against her and she has a hard time not pulling his clothes completely off his body. She wants these moments to last, she wants to savor them all. She kissed him hard, barely catching a breath as she hips her head so he can kiss her evenly deeply and his hands go back to her waist. He grips her hips and pulls her closer to him and she smiles, finally running her hands under his shirt and finally forcing him to pull it up and over his head to the floor. She runs her hands over his chest and she knows that this is all different now, that this isn't just them hooking up and dating, but this was them, kissing and touching each other like they were in love because there were.

They're in love. 

She pulls back from him, breathless and lips already swollen from kissing him and she has a hard time opening her eyes after kissing him. But when her eyes flutter open, he's looking at her and running a hand through her hair slowly as he whispers, "I love you."

She smiles and leans into his touch completely and says back like a promise and like a swear to the universe, " _I love you_." She says it without guilt in fear of her feelings towards Finn, but she knows she will always love him. A part of herself will always be drawn to him because that's just how life was. They had loved each other for so long, it would be hard to forget about him completely. She knows that this is alright because Murphy will always have love in his heart for Emori. It was alright to love another, it was alright to _love_ in general.

He rests his forehead against hers and she dips her head to kiss him gently before pulling back. He looks at her and with a smile, devours her whole.

 _And she lets him_.

______________________

_982 days_

Emori has a hard time focusing with Echo sitting across from her, chewing on the end of a pen as she writes carelessly across the notepad. Her hair is past her shoulders and fallings loosely against her chest and neck and she wants to kiss her. 

She kisses her a lot.

Probably more than she thought she ever would.

She looks at her, how her features were once so hard and jagged and now they soften with her gaze, her brows unfurrowed and her lips parted as she breathes. Emori sits up from her spot on the couch and scoots closer to her, pulling the notebook from her lap as Echo laughs and exclaims, "Hey! What are you doing?"

Emori kisses her cheek and down her jaw and neck and Echo leans into her touch. Her hands go to hers and she freezes, she's always freezing when someone wants to see them or touch them. But she relaxes and smiles as she exhales, "Sorry-"

Echo runs a hand over her cheek and smiles. "You don't ever have to apologize to me, you know that. I like you just the way you are."

Her words make her heart flutter and a warm feeling flood her stomach because she's just so in love with this girl that it's hard to breathe sometimes. She leans closer and their lips barely touch before she presses her forehead against hers and whispers, "How did we even end up together? What made it start?"

"Besides all of our late night talks about your breakup with Murphy and the fact that I tried to kill myself before we went up here? Then…I don't know, fate?"

Emori nudges her. "No, _really_."

"I think one day we both just woke up and knew." Echo rests her head back against the couch's arm rest and looks past her and at the ceiling as Emori leans against her before cuddling up to her side. "I think, after that first year, it was hard to ignore."

"Well, I'm glad it happened."

"Me too."

They lay together in their warm silence, Emori's head against her chest, listening to her heart beat softly. She feels herself being lulled to sleep but she forces herself to be awake enough to look up and see Echo's sleeping face. She looks happier when she's asleep, like she no longer has the entire world on her shoulders, like she hadn't been an assassin for the majority of her life. Like she hadn't been locked away inside Mount Mouther.

It was like she was free.

And in a way they were, in their great big castle in the sky.

______________________

_1010 days_

_"Clarke."_

_"Clarke. Clarke. Clarke."_

She wakes with a start, sitting up in her bed and rubbing the back of her head as she yawned. Looking around the room, she notices Madi at the table reading from one of the old books they discovered still intact in Becca's lab. They found a whole stack of them, ranging from Bellamy's favorite mythologies to the history of Praimfaya. The books themselves help Madi learn not only more english but how to read in general. The people who raised Madi before Clarke taught her barely anything before the wave hit them. 

"How far are you today?" Clarke asks as she goes to the table. 

"Page seventy-eight," the girls responds with a smile, already flipping the page. "I told Bellamy I'd read from the mythologies tonight for him, give him a refresher on what he's been missing."

Clarke smiles, rubbing Madi's back and saying, "He'll love that."

She moves past her and goes to the door, grabbing her coat from the chair and slipping it on before leaving with a happy, "I'll be back in five!" 

The world outside is sunny, but not too sunny, the light coming up from the tree tops and cascading over their land in gleams of near white light. The trees were bare as winter had already begun to settle around them. She was surprised seasons still existed after the wave, she always just assumed it would be hot for the rest of their lives. But there was fresh coating of dewy ice over the grass that made her think about the hundred and how they barely lived through their own winters. 

_"Two dead because of hypothermia," she hisses under her breath from the drop ship. She's rubbing her forehead and already thinking of ways to bury the body in the hard cold ground that wouldn't thaw for another month. "Another five with frostbite, how are we going to survive this?"_

_Bellamy looks at her, brows furrowed and face tight. After a moment, he shakes his head and sighs, "I don't know, but we need warmer clothes. We need more blankets, anything-"_

_"But we don't have_ any _. We have no way of getting anything. We're running low on food, Miller told me that they haven't seen a fucking animal in weeks!"_

_"Clarke," Bellamy says and he brings her back to earth. "We just need to think about this, we know there are other people out there, they can help us-"_

_She scoffs. "Just yesterday you were telling me the plan on how to kill them all, and now you think we should ask for their help? We aren't exactly friends."_

_He sits down and Clarke can finally tell how exhausted he is as his shoulders slump and he has his head in one of his hands, the other gripping his leg. The stress was getting to him, it was getting to them both. So she sighs and moves closer to him, pulling out one of the chairs and sitting down, making sure he's looking at her as she says, "We can get through this, it's only one more month right?"_

_He peels his hand off his face and nods. "Maybe we can get Lincoln to help us? He's been out scouting with Octavia, we can figure something out when they get back."_

_She smiles. "We can have another group go out in search of food, looking for anything and maybe have them go down to the lake?"_

_He nods and she can see the bags under his eyes, how tired and dead they look. Being a leader was harder than he expected, hell, it was harder than she expected too. It wasn't all fun and games, it took time and effort and dedication to figure out everyones problems along with their own. They were taking care of a community, they had to made sure they all lived._

_"I'll tell Jasper to get some of the others to start a bonfire for tonight, let us all just try and relax and finally get warm." He stands as she does and she doesn't realize how close they are until his hand touches her wrist and she's looking up at him, eyes wide just like his. He holds her wrist before sliding his hand into hers and saying in a soft voice, "We'll get through this, what's just one more month right?"_

_She smiles, eyes softening. "Right, how hard could it be right?" She pulls her hand back and goes to the table, straightening out her med kit and the maps they had lain out to try and search for a warmed place to stay but there were none. They had nowhere to go but here._

_"Clarke."_

_She shakes her head with a laugh and confesses, "I don't think I've slept in two days."_

_It surprises her to hear Bellamy laugh in return and she looks at him over her shoulder, seeing him smiling and shaking his head at her. "Honestly, me too. I haven't felt relaxed since the last snow, when we all went out and just had fun."_

_"Fun? What's fun?" she jokes, rolling her eyes. "Don't think I've experienced that down here before."_

_He smirks at her, hair messy on his head like he'd just been busy running his fingers through it. "Come on, you definitely had fun."_

_She thinks for a moment, playing with him before finally telling him, "Maybe before Murphy threw the snow ball in my face and maybe before Raven tackled me into a pile of snow."_

_"Don't lie, you were laughing the entire time."_

_She couldn't lie because he had been right. She had experienced pure and utter joy, she had time to relax and just feel the coolness of snow that she had wondered about all her life. On the Ark, she hadn't experienced any of it before, no one had even seen snow in real life. As a child, she had believed it was just a made up concept by the adults, trying to trick her into believing in some fairytale, make believe, coldness that fell from the sky in the form of soft ice. But when she had seen it in person and got to step in it and hear the crunch of the snow under her feet and feel it on her cheeks and hair, she had realized how romantic it all was. How magical the experience was to her and to everyone else._

_But her mind went somewhere else, not even two hours later she got her first reports of frostbite. Two the first day and one the next and then two the third day. It wasn't until after the first snow that one didn't return from a hunt sent out the day prior and it wasn't even a full twenty-four hours later until they found his body. He had slipped on ice and the pure white snow around his had been soaked with bright red blood instead._

_It was two days later when the next two were to die, huddled together near the gates, blue and white from the cold, hair ice. It left Clarke feeling empty and she had a hard time right then looking at Bellamy's smiling face, so she turned from him and mutters quietly, "Just make sure you tell everyone we need blankets. We need as many as we can get."_

_She feels him approach her from behind, his breath hot against her head. She feels his hand on her elbow, turning her to face him again and she wasn't used to being so close to him. Yet, looking up at him and leaning into his touch, she felt like they had known each other for years and this was normal._

_Was this normal?_

_"You know you can always stay in my tent," he tells her and her cheeks for pink. His eyes are dark and unreadable. "I know you gave away your last blanket to the kid in the tent next to Sterling's tent."_

_She shrugs. "Had to be done, the girl was freezing."_

_"And now so are you."_

_"You would've done the same."_

_"Who says I haven't?"_

_She frowns. "Who?"_

_"Fox, Zoe, and Drew."_

_"Looks like we need each other," she says slowly. "Would it be totally weird if I took you up on your offer to stay with you?"_

_"No," he whispers a strange and distant smile on his face. She doesn't even notice when he's leaving her side until he's completely gone with a faint, "I'll see you later, Clarke."_

_She stands still by herself, wondering what she had gotten herself into all the while with a smile on her face that told her she knew exactly. So, with that still small smile on her face, she turns back to her work._

_The air grows colder as the day goes on and the temperature drops drastically as night falls, leaving the hundred fighting for warmth near the fire pit and praying their cold hands and feet grow warmer with every inch towards the flames. Clarke is one of them, but father towards the back with her worn coat pulled taut across her body. She can see her breath and she's afraid she'll always be able to see it, fearing that spring and summer will never come._

_But she knows better._

_She knows it will get better and she knows they will feel the sun's warmth on them without fear of frozen limbs._

_"Went scouting today," Miller says from behind, starting her a she turns to greet him. "Found an old home out there, completely falling apart but found blankets."_

_She has a smile on her face and she's breathless as she gasps, "You found blankets?!"_

_He holds one out for her and she takes it instantly, wrapping it around her shoulders as he says, "Bellamy told me to give you his."_

_The blanket suddenly doesn't feel as warm around her as she stops and frowns, "He did what?"_

_Miller shrugs. "The guy doesn't want you to freeze." He looks around and smiles, "A lot of us don't."_

_"I can't take this-"_

_"Yes you can!" he laughs, rolling his eyes and not taking it back from her as she thrusts it towards him. "It's not mine anyways."_

_She holds the blanket in her fists, sighing because it would keep her so much warmer than she was now, but she couldn't keep it. It would feel wrong keeping it when she knew Bellamy didn't have any. So she folds it in her arms and turns to look for him. Everyone was out, but she couldn't find him as she circles the fire and passing Monty and Jasper who were in fits of laughter with Harper, all three of them eating something from Monty's palm. Clarke knew better than to take food from Monty, she never knew what it could be, not after the incident earlier in the year when she ate something that made her hallucinate for hours._

_She passes Finn, who still had a brooding look on his face that she still wants to slap off him. She was angry at him and she was afraid she always would be as she notices Raven standing with him with a dreamy look on her face. She looks away and finds herself back where she started and Bellamy nowhere in sight. She goes towards the tents, knowing he must be there if not anywhere else and she sees him, well not him entirely, his shadow in his tents light._

_She goes to the entrance and says, "You decent in there?"_

_She hears him laugh and say, "Yes, you can come in."_

_She pulls open the flap of the tent and enters, seeing him sitting on his bed with a slight shiver to his legs as she stares at him with one hand on her hip. "Why the hell would you give me your only blanket? Are you looking to get frostbite and die?"_

_He rolls his eyes and scoffs, "Like I was going to let you do the same?"_

_"Just take it back, okay?" she holds it out for him and he doesn't take it. "Bellamy, don't be a child about it, just take the damn blanket back. I don't want it."_

_"I'm not going to let you freeze to death, Clarke."_

_"Fine, then I'll just give it to someone else, alright?"_

_"Clarke, don't be ridiculous, you need it too."_

_She narrows her eyes at him, his jacket and boots wouldn't be able to keep him warm forever and she knew it wouldn't work for herself either. "You're freezing, Bellamy," she says in a softer voice. "You're shivering like crazy, just use it until you get warmer."_

_He finally takes it from her but not before looking at her and saying with a sly smile, "Why don't we both just use it?"_

_She doesn't move or speak, only raising an eyebrow._

_"Since you'll be staying with me anyways…for warmth."_

_"If you wanted me in your bed, you could've just said so," she says, moving forward and sitting down on his bed and taking part of the blanket from him and laying down._

_"Was waiting for you to finally figure it out for yourself," he says back and wraps an around around her as he lays on his back. She rests her head against his chest and he's warm, his whole tent is warm with him in it. She wraps one arm over his torso, pulling herself closer to him as he shifts so the blanket is covering them. She can still feel him shivering but he can also feel her doing the same as she breathes evenly through her nose as her heart races in her chest._

_He was so close to her that she wondered how easy it had been for her to become another one of Bellamy's girl. Just another girl in his bed along with the countless others he had when the drop ship first landed. But, as she came to think about it, she hadn't seen them come in and out of his tent for a long time now and she was curious as to why but as his fingers ran up and down her arm, her heart understood while her brain didn't._

_"I wish we could stay like this forever," she says softly, looking up at him through her lashes. She was nervous as to what he would say back but he was so warm and she could finally feel her toes as their legs intertwined, as did their hands. She knew she would always find her way to his tent like his to hers and she knew that it was alright to fall for someone whom she never pictured herself feeling anything other than hate towards._

_But they were leaders._

_They were leading those people out there and they needed to trust in one another. They needed to be honest and they needed to be friends and they needed to love to understand and care for one another without being at each other's throats over who had a say in what and whether or not something was right._

_She trusted him with her life and his with hers._

_They didn't realize it then, but they were two hearts with one soul._

______________________

_1027 days_

Monty had done it.

He had finally achieved the impossible.

The algae tasted _good_. 

It wasn't it's usual battery acid taste that left your mouth's with an unforgettable aftertaste that made you gag. It had a sweetness to it that made it ten times more enjoyable to eat and he was thrilled. He hated his job, but it wasn't like it truly was a job. He was doing it because he had too, so they could all survive and live healthily. He was doing it because it was the right thing to do and the right thing to do just so happened to taste like shit.

But today, that all changes. 

"Just try it!" he smiles, trying to coax Murphy into having a bite.

He puts his hands up and shakes his head, frowning. "No way, last time you made me try one of your samples, I was spending the remainder of the week puking my guts up."

Monty rolls his eyes. "It wasn't _that_ horrible."

"Dude," Murphy hisses. "Are you forgetting the one time it knocked me out for three weeks too? There is no way in hell I'm going keep being your guinea pig! And that's right, I've known this entire time that I've been the guinea pig! You can't trick me again!" 

"Please," he says, pleading with him. "It's just one bite! Where's the harm in that?"

"Everywhere! The harm is everywhere!"

Monty puts the spoon full of algae in his mouth and eats it, speaking with his mouth full to show Murphy, " _See_! It's fine, now try it."

Murphy takes the bowl and spoon hesitantly before scooping up a little. He holds it up to his face and frowns, sniffing it before finally putting the entire thing n his mouth. He stares off into the distance as he chews, processing the entire thing before his eyes go wide and he's grinning and shouting, "Holy shit! You did it, you made something _actually_ good! _Holy shit_!" 

He scoops up more and eats it hungrily before turning to a passing Harper and Emori, thrusting the bowl towards them and snapping, "You have to try this, it's good."

Harper gives Monty a look and he nods back, with a smile. 

The two girls take the bowl and both take turns trying the new concoction of algae before giving Monty the same reaction. Emori has her hands over her mouth, chewing and swallowing as she laughs, "Way to go, Monty!"

Harper comes up to his and throws her arms around him and whispers, "I told you, it just took a little time to get it perfect."

Monty wraps an arm around her waist and kisses her. "Just had to have a little faith, right?"

She smiles back and all is well.

______________________

_1028 days_

Everything was not fine.

Not fine at all.

Monty spent the rest of the day by the toilet, throwing up the remainders of the algae up and right out of his system. Turns out, whatever he decided to do differently, was the wrong call. It was three hours after eating it when all four of them went into fits of laughter and hallucinations. They were gazing out windows, touching walls, pulling hair, and looking for wild butterflies that flew across the room and right into their faces.

Murphy had supposedly taken Raven into his old wing, proclaiming his undying and never ending love for her before throwing up in her face. She was laughing too hard not to be mad, she told Monty later. His eyes were all big and doe like and she couldn't help but think it was kinda funny. Murphy was now settled in Raven's bedroom curled up in a ball on the floor by her bed.

Emori had done the same, only this time to Echo who was unsuspecting and busy watching one of her old films with Bellamy when Emori stumbled in talking about the desert and Becca's lab before throwing up green algae on the floor. Bellamy, already going into dad mode, went to her right away while Echo turned to the side, shielding her eyes from the mess. From being an assassin who saw blood and guts all day, she had a weak side for puking. But who could blame her?

As for Monty and Harper, they had spent the day in each other's arms after spinning delightfully in the halls and in the common room with the others. While they spoke in hushed voice and kept their hands locked, they ended up near their old cells before spiraling out of control over their lost loves one. Crying in each other's arms before throwing up over railings and calling for Bellamy to help them like he had Emori. While he cleaned, the pair were sent back to their room where they sat close by each other and the toilet.

"Do you think Japer would find this funny or just pathetic?" Harper croaks, face pale and sweating as she leans back from the toilet to sit back against the wall.

Monty smiles. "He would've been right beside us puking until he was crying."

She smiles back and she holds out her hand and he takes it into his, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles as she whispers softly, "I miss him. Everyday."

He nods and bites back the emotion in his throat and in his eyes. "He should've been here with us."

They mourned him everyday and situations like these made Monty remember him. From the times on the Ark when they had snuck into hospital wing to steal drugs that made their hearts race and euphoria spin around them. And from the time they had accidentally given their entire camp Jobi Nuts, which made them hallucinate for hours. 

"We'll see him again," he says, not just to Harper but to the universe around him. "One day."

He closes his eyes and keeps his hand in Harpers as he relishes in the fact that his friend was finally free from the hell he had endured for so long. Jasper was free and Monty was happy for him, he would always be happy for him.

______________________

_1047 days_

"How much longer until the radios finally both work?" Murphy asks Raven, standing behind her with his hands on her shoulders. He rubs them for her and she sighs into his touch and shrugs.

"Not sure, maybe another month, maybe even more."

"You don't know how to fix it, do you?"

She doesn't respond.

Murphy smiles, "It's okay to admit defeat, Reyes. The radio beat you this time."

She slaps at his hands, irritated with a grin on her face. "You know I can fix it, just takes me a little more time than the last. It was easy to connect to Clarke and then it was a little harder to connect to Octavia, so this is my final round. Connecting the two is the boss level, Murphy. It's just going to take me a little more time than I'd like."

"Need me to go search for more parts in storage?" he asks, moving around to sit down next to her. She props her feet up in his laps and his hands go to her brace, massaging her leg.

"Maybe, but for now can you just keep doing that?" she laughs, closing her eyes. "I just need to relax, just for a little bit."

He keeps his fingers moving against her leg as he speaks, asking her, "Want me to put a movie on? Get some of the girls and you guys just relax? Maybe then you'll finally have an idea about the radio."

She opens her eyes and shakes her head, "I think I just need to sit down and focus, which means no distractions…as much as I do love your distractions, I need silence and concentration."

"What?" he grins, moving her leg aside and getting closer to her. "You mean a distraction like this?" 

His breath is warm against her neck as he stands, pulling her hair away and she feels herself being pulled right into him as he kisses her neck and down to her shoulder. She sighs and takes his hand but stops herself instantly, slapping his hands again. "I mean it, Murphy. Give me a day and I promise you, I'll know exactly what to do."

He pulls back from her but not before kissing her cheek. "Find me if you need me."

She nods and watches him leave before spinning back around in her seat to face all of the work she'd done so far. Her table was a mess of loose pieces and projects she had believed would work then didn't. The screens were covered with paper taped across them and she leans back in her chair to stare at all of them. She had been on the right way with her idea with the old walkie talkies, but she didn't just want her connection with Clarke and Octavia to reach her, she wanted them to reach each other. 

But she was Raven Reyes. 

She could do anything.

So she scooted her chair across the room to her desk and grabbed the radio and got to work, besides, how hard could it really be?

She realizes, an hour later, that it was definitely harder than it seemed. She had pieced together an old walkie talkie to it's original working form and wishes she could hook it up to her radio and communications system, try and blend their waves together that way. All she wanted was for Octavia's connected to finally reach Clarke's but it was more difficult trying to get the three together when she couldn't speak to them both at the same time and on the save frequency.

So instead, she pulls her keyboard up and out of the mess she had created and typed slowly. 

_Octavia. Are you there?_

She waits and sure enough, she messages back.

_Here. Is your radio not working?_

_No_ , Raven types.  _Trying to get Clarke's radio to connect to yours. Any ideas?_

 _Stick a wire into another wire, maybe a red one, and pull us out of the rubble?_ Octavia suggests and Raven rolls her eyes as Octavia sends another quick message,  _Sorry, Raven. I have no clue._

She puts her head in her hands and groans, stomping her good foot against the ground like a child but she was allowed to be angry. She pulls the radio mic up to her face and speaks, hoping Clarke responds. "Hey, stranded princess, you there?"

Clarke answers immediately, always having her radio on hand nowadays. "Here, what's up?"

"I need you to change the channels on your radio."

"What?"

"Change the channels, can't you do that?"

"Yea, but what if I loose you completely?"

Raven shakes her head. "You won't. Just mark down what channels mine and search through them and pray you hear Octavia's voice." She was already typing, heart racing that she had been so stupid. Modern technology had almost bested her, _almost_.  _Keep an eye out on your radio incase you hear from Clarke._

Octavia responds with,  _Will do._

She has to sit back and wait, praying that all they really had to do all of this time was switch the channels on Clarke's radio to find Octavia. If it had been that easy, she would scream, maybe even float herself for being so foolish. She had been searching for the most complicated explanation, the most difficult solution, and if it had been all along the easiest? She wasn't sure what she'd do.

She waits and watches the screen until her eyes hurt. It was nearing the end of the afternoon and she was beginning to get hungry, but she wasn't so sure she wanted to go out there and try some of Monty's newest batch after what had happened with the last. It took two showers to stop smelling like Murphy's algae vomit and it took almost three days to look at the algae the same way.

 _I HEAR HER!_ Octavia sends her frantically.  _SHE'S ALIVE AND SHE'S CALLING ME AN IDIOT FOR THE CANNIBALS AND SHE'S ALIVE!_

 _Good to hear, radio me later, about to pour myself a celebratory drink_ , Raven types.

She sits back in her seat and closes her eyes and lets out a scream. The final boss was a trick, it had made itself out to be so difficult when in reality, the hardest things to figure out were the easiest. She closes her mouth, out of breath from screaming when she hears a startled voice behind her.

"Jesus, are you alright in there?" Monty asks her.

She nods. "Just saving lives and making everyone happy again, that's all."

Monty laughs. "Whatever you say, Raven."

She rubs her eyes and looks up at the ceiling and wonders what her friends were talking about. She wonders a lot about them these days, about everyone. She wonders if everything will go back to normal once they get back to earth, if there will be any more enemies or troubles facing them, but she knows there always will be. There would always be another enemy and another target, villains followed them like the plague.

Seeking and wanting to kill with every breath.

______________________

_1056 days_

Octavia is waiting, more patiently than she's ever had in her life to hear the other woman's voice. She sits back in her chair, the lights dimmed in the room as she wonders if all this time, she will finally be able to hear her voice and find comfort in knowing she's alive. She had sent Raven a message ten minutes prior and she was still anxiously waiting as another ten minutes pass, then another.

She was loosing hope, how could finding each other be easy after everything that had happened so far. It would be difficult, it had to be, because it always was. 

She sets her radio down and pulls her hair back into a ponytail, her hair had grown darker, it's soft brown was now an endless black and she wasn't sure if she liked it or not yet. It made her look older, like she had been an adult the entire time and not just seventeen years old anymore. She was a different person now, the ground had shaped her into a warrior and a leader and she knew her brother was proud, Bellamy was _proud_ of her. 

Octavia talks to Bellamy three times a week, maybe more. It was easy to catch up with him, like they had been together the entire time. She missed him and wondered if he had changed any at all, was his hair longer? Did he have a _beard_? She missed seeing him, she missed everything about him, especially his over protective big brother glares. 

The radio crackles and it brings Octavia back down to earth as she reaches for it. She waits for a moment and there's more crackling as she smiles and says into the mic, "Clarke?"

There's more crackling and her voice finally comes through filled with static. "So-tell me about-how much of an idiot you were-for considering becoming a cannibal?"

Octavia laughs and the static finally lifts as she bows her head, "It was a horrible idea, that's what it was."

She hears Clarke laugh, it's soft and beautiful and Octavia wishes they could reach through the rocks and finally hug. "How are you, O? Are you safe?"

She nods, although Clarke can't see her. "We're doing better, we have enough food for another five years and I'd like to say that the fighting pits are no more. Gone, destroyed, obliterated forever."

Clarke is silent for a moment and Octavia thinks she's said something but all she hears is the faint sound of a girls laughter in the background and she has trouble believing that it wasn't just her imagination. When Clarke finally speaks, her voice is gentle and curious.

"Is my mom alright?"

Octavia smiles. "She's better than alright." She stands and goes to the door, throwing it open and smiling at Miller who was keeping guard outside the room. "Go get Abby, I've got a surprise for her."

He nods and leaves without a second thought and Octavia returns to her seat, grabbing the mic, "She'll be here soon, told Miller to go get her for you."

"Thank you," Clarke sighs, it takes her a moment before she speaks again in the same gentle tone. "I'm sorry I couldn't get you out of the bunker-there's just so much rubble from the wave-"

"I know," she says back. "Raven told me all about it and so did Bellamy, after I started to bug him about it of course." She leans closer to the mic and holds it still in her slightly shaking hands as she whispers, "I'm just so sorry you're not here, with me…or with the others on the Ark. You don't deserve to be out there, all by yourself-well, not entirely by yourself."

"I'm lucky, that's all," Clarke laughs. "Thought the wave would take me out, thought it was all going to be over…"

"But instead you survived and you're raising a little girl, you're like-" she laughs too. "-a mom now, Clarke! You've gone full blown mama bear!"

"Don't remind me," she groans. 

"Come on, it's cute!"

"Would be better if I knew what the hell I was doing half of the time."

"It's okay," Octavia tells her. "Not most parents know exactly what they're doing half of the time anyways. Hell, my mom didn't know otherwise too. Kept me under the floorboards for years, kept me hidden from the world outside of our room, and look what that got her? No one's perfect."

"Octavia," Clarke whispers to her and Octavia wishes they were together, leading these people like she had always wanted. She needed Clarke like she needed Bellamy. "You've never talked about your mother before, not with me at least…"

"I'm a different person than I was," Octavia laughs but behind it is worry and nerves because she really hasn't talked about her much. "I was so afraid, for so long, Clarke." It was now or never to open up and it seemed like a good time to do it, finally sharing parts of her past.

"Afraid of what?"

"Everything?" she sighs. "I was afraid that day when that _creature_ attacked me in the water. When Lincoln was tortured and when I almost died. When everyone at camp was taken to Mount Weather, when the adults finally came to earth, when Lincoln got turned into a reaper, and when he died. _God_ ," she breathes, finding it difficult to for a moment before regaining herself and rubbing her forehead. "I was terrified, but I buried it deep because my mother always told me, 'I know you're afraid, but fear is a demon. Close your eyes and tell yourself that you are not afraid. That is how you slay the demon.' But when I think about it now, I'm pretty sure she was just trying to shut me up, but it worked. It worked for a long time but that fear came back, when Bellamy's signal went out completely before they went up to Ark. That same fear came back when we were running out of food and when I couldn't help but think that after everything I did to get everyone down here, we were going to starve to death. We weren't going to be burned to death and we weren't going to be killed in combat, we were going to starve."

"But you got past it all. You made it out alive."

"Barely."

"You're still alive, Octavia. You're more alive than ever, besides, no one else could've lead those people as great as you have. Not me, and definitely not Bellamy. It was you, Octavia, it was always _you_."

The door opens and Miller it smiling at her as Abby walks in with a puzzled look on her face. "Is everything alright? Did you need anything-"

Octavia kept her finger on the mic's button and Clarke voice rang out clear and perfect into the room, "Mom!"

Abby's face lit up and she brings her hands up to her mouth and lets out a strangled breath of disbelief, "If that-is that _Clarke_?"

"Mom, it's me! I'm alive, I'm alive!"

Octavia stands and holds the mic out for Abby and smiles, "I think it's time you too finally catch up, don't you think?"

Abby takes the mic from her and sits, tears pooling in her eyes as she smiles and murmurs into the mic, "Clarke, I'm just so happy that you're okay-that you're _alive_. I love you, I love you so much."

Octavia goes to the door and smiles at Miller, "We did good today, don't you think? Bringing together families should be, like, our side gig, don't you think?"

"Who else is there to bring together?" he laughs and closes the door behind them. "Everyone here is pretty much brought together."

"Not everyone," she says, smiling.

"And who may that be?"

"Bellamy. Duh."

"Who does he need? He already has you back."

"Bellamy's in love, Miller, I can tell."

"You can tell?"

"Yes."

" _Really_?"

" _Yes_!"

He laughs again, rubbing his face and looking at her with furrowed brows. "Who do you think he's in love with?"

She puts her hands on her hips and frowns, "Thought it was Echo and turns out it definitely wasn't Echo and then I was pretty sure it's Raven, but here's the thing, Bellamy made it pretty clear that Murphy has a thing for her and they are for sure banging so now I think it's Clarke."

"Clarke?"

She nods. "I think he's been in love with her since the beginning and I'm just now realizing it like an idiot, but it's okay and want to know _why_ it's okay?"

He smiles. "Why?"

"Because I'm going to get them together, just you wait and see."

"It's probably not going to be that hard," he admits to her. "The way he looked at her and the way she always went to him, it won't be hard at all."

"Knowing my brother, he's probably just going to sit around and pine for her until a near death situation brings them together," she tells him, leaning against the wall. "But knowing Clarke, she'll make the first move but she probably doesn't know what she wants."

"And you know this how?"

"Bellamy and Clarke have a system, they've had once since our drop ship landed. He'll be a dick and make her hate him, but then he'll do something nice like-I don't know-save her life and then she'll like him again. They'll work together, lead some people, end a war, and then one of them will leave the other behind. Then the system starts all over again," she explains, crossing her arms. She wasn't positive if this was how it actually was, but seeing how their track record usually went, she wouldn't be surprised if she got it spot on. 

"So, how are you going to do it? Finally get them together?"

"Easy," she smiles. "I'll just tell the other all of the good things about the other so they know how great they would be together. Like how Bellamy thinks Clarke is beautiful, a brilliant leader, saved them all countless times, and is in love with her. And how Clarke thinks Bellamy is a good man, born to lead, born to fight for what he thinks is right, and she's also is in love with him."

"You really think that's going to work?"

"Even if it doesn't at least I get to say I tried. He needs someone to love, someone to tell him he's being an idiot but in a caring way. If I tell him he's being an idiot, I'm just the annoying little sister, but if Clarke does, then it means she cares about him."

"Octavia…"

"What?"

"How are you so certain that they haven't been together all of this time? That they haven't been secretly banging it out for months?"

"Miller…what do you know?"

"Nothing! Nothing at all."

She narrows her eyes and pushes off the wall to stare at him. "Tell me what you know."

"I don't know anything," he won't look at her but there's a small smile spreading across his face.

"Tell me!" she hits his arm, laughing. "You have to tell me if my brother has kept important, life changing, details from me!"

"Life changing?" he laughs too. "It's just Clarke."

"But they're, like, soulmates!"

He shakes his head and finally tells her, "Clarke used to spend the night in his tent a lot, before the Mount Weather shit happened. It started after the big snow, when I saw her go to his tent and just not…come out until morning."

Her mouth falls open and she's laughing, shaking her head. "That dick didn't tell me he's secretly been banging space princess for all of this time?! Imagine what we could have right now, Miller! Babies. Marriage. Me being the best woman for Bellamy. Me finally having a sister."

"I don't think they'd have babies in the middle of a war," he smiles, leaning back against the railing. 

Her mind is racing, she has to talk to Bellamy, yell at him a bit. Beg him to finally marry her when he comes back to earth, tell her to marry his dumb ass so Octavia can become the best aunt in the entire world. But she also wonders why he never told her, why he never told her that Clarke used to spend the night in his tent, but it all made sense. How worried Bellamy was about her when they were preparing for the grounders to attack, how scared he was that she was dead when he returned to camp and everyone was gone. How scared Clarke was when Bellamy was sent into Mount Weather as a spy, how she sat by the radio for hours until he responded and told her he was _alright_. 

It all made sense.

"What are you going to do now?" Miller asks her finally.

"I'm going to tell Bellamy that I'm happy for him, that I'm happy he finally found love, that I think Clarke is perfect for him," she sighs, rubbing her mouth. "That I'm not upset he didn't tell me, that I'm just mad I really did think he had a think for not only _Echo_ but for _Raven_ too."

She smiles, knowing that once she gets out of the bunker, she'll get to see her brother and Clarke finally get to be together after five years. Getting to see them finally be happy and at peace. Once the bunker doors open, they'll all get to be a family again.

She just wishes the bunker would open now so they can get to the love and the happiness and the peace already.

______________________

_1079 days_

Echo has a hard time going to the radio, she stands in the doorway for some time before she finally works the courage to go inside. 

When she sits, her heart races. 

She needs to do this, Emori has told her time and time again to finally do this and get it off her chest. To finally have this burden be lifted, but she was terrified to do so. She feared what her reaction would be, if she even had any. She needed to be brave. To be smart. 

Lifting the mic, there's a slight tremor running through her hand. She brings it to her lips and sighs before pressing down on the button so it would connect to her finally. "Is anyone there?" she says, her voice having that shake shake as her hand. 

There is only silence that follows.

And its deafening.

She wonders if this will be alright, if what she's doing is the _right_ thing. She wonders if all of the pent up anger Bellamy probably still has told her would finally be gone after this, if her own anger and regret towards her own actions finally can be lifted from her like the weight of a hundred skies falling upon her back. She was Atlas, stuck underneath the crumbling sky, yet the sky was full of her own regrets and traumas she had inflicted. 

"Who is this?" the voice finally responds. 

She has a hard time speaking, moving forward to rest her elbows on the desk and close her eyes as the voice speaks again, "You still there?"

"Echo," she finally says. "It's Echo."

Octavia doesn't respond right away and she's afraid she's already ruined it just by speaking. But when Octavia finally _does_ speak, her voice is faint, "Echo? What are-" she clears her throat, her voice coming out clearer, angrier, "-what are you doing? Did you mean to contact Clarke instead?"

She shakes her head and rubs her forehead that is slick with sweat. "No-no-I meant to call you. I wanted to speak with you."

"About what?"

"You know what," she says in a whisper, finding it hard to find her voice.

When Octavia speaks, she is filled with rage, something she hadn't heard for some time. She hadn't heard this from her when she passes by the work shop, seeing Raven laughing and reclining in her seat as she talks to Octavia, or when Bellamy is telling her about his day and waiting for her to say something snarky in return, or even when Monty sits and talks with her for hours on end _just_ about algae. "Oh. You mean when you skewered me with your sword and watched me plummet to my death off a cliff. No. Yeah. I know what you mean."

"Octavia-please-"

"No, you don't get to 'Octavia, please' me!" she seethes and Echo can picture her standing from her seat and scowling over her radio. "You almost killed me! _I almost died_!"

"I know that!" Echo finally hisses. "You think I don't know that? I think about what could've happened every goddamn day, Octavia. I think about what could've happened if you didn't survive my hit or the fall, how I wouldn't be alive today if you had died and your brother hadn't forgiven me like everyone else. I was going to finally end it all before your brother found me with a knife pointed at my chest, he told me about forgiveness and he saved me. I thought, after all of this time, I could finally talk to you about it, how horrible I feel about my decisions-"

"Your decisions almost cost me my life."

She sighs and rubs her forehead again, this time harder. "I'm sorry this happened and what my role was in it all. I don't want to make it seem like it wasn't my fault, that it wasn't me who thrusted the sword through you, but it was. It was all me. But I will say I had orders from my king to follow through with not only your death and Indra's, but everyone in Skaikru and Trikru. Roan-" she cuts herself off, feeling emotion rise into her throat. She loved him, she followed him, did whatever he asked because she looked up to him. She thought he would've won it all. Thought she would be sitting right beside him in the bunker. But he died for a reason, the reasons being that Octavia had to be the victor instead of Luna and him, reasons being that she had to be on the Ark. It was fate. It was meant to be. "-he ordered me to kill everyone, he declared war. But, seeing how I lost friendships I forgot how much I liked having, I saw the tolls of war pushed upon me. I was an assassin for years and because of those particular skills I desired using, my bone marrow was harvested from the dicks in Mount Weather, I was banished from my home and from my king, I wasn't trusted or liked anymore by my people and friends, and I was almost left behind to die when the wave hit. So I'm sorry Octavia, that I almost killed you and that because of what I did, there would've been a good chance Luna would've been sitting on the throne instead of you." 

She hears heaving breathing from the other side of the mic and it takes Octavia a long time to speak and Echo is suddenly worried she had spoken too much, told her _too much_. But when she finally hears the other woman's voice, the nerves in her stomach finally calm down.

"What you did was horrible, inexcusable, _rude_ , and I might be angry at you forever," Octavia tells her and Echo can take that. She can handle her hating her forever and never wanting to speak to her, but there was a good chance after their five years, they would have to see a lot of each other. What Octavia says next shocks her, "But I understand why you did it, why you _had_ to go through with it. There was a time, not too long ago, I would've done the same thing as you. Killed because I was told too or just because I wanted too. I loved the fight, I still do, but I was different then. I had become a threat to my friends, my family, my people, but most importantly, to myself. I got myself into situations I should never have been in, like the one where I got myself kabobed. So, I understand why you had to go through with it and I understand how you feel about the guilt."

"I'm sorry, Octavia," Echo says to her in a voice she can't quote recognize as her own. "What I did will never be alright and I get that you'll be mad at me forever, but just know how sorry I am."

"Time heals all wounds," Octavia recites to her. "Just give us another two years and maybe we can both be forgiven for our crimes." 

There is another beat of silence between them that makes Echo feel sick, but Octavia speaks again, voice lighter, "Maybe we can get to know each other, truly. You come and talk to me more often and we can get over the stabbing, the countless betrayals, and just the anger between us."

"Maybe we can actually be friends," Echo smiles.

Octavia laughs, but it's light and cheerful, "Hey, don't get too carried away here!"

"I mean it."

"Alright, so maybe, _one day_ , we can be friends."

Echo sits back in her seat with a newfound calmness coming over her as the burden is finally lifted. The weight of the world finally being released from her shaking shoulders, Atlas was free. 

"So, tell me about becoming Indra's second. Heard back then it was pretty difficult to get on her good side, much less becoming her second. Tell me, Skaikru princess turned Trikru warrior, how did you get her to even like you?"

Octavia laughs. "Kind of a long story actually…"

Echo smiles. "Good thing we have two years to talk about it."

______________________

_1091 days_

Raven sits and hopes there's a chance the ship will be ready in two years.

No, she doesn't hope, she prays. 

She prays and she prays because there was a chance after the next two years of repairs, the ship just might not be ready for flight. She needs more fuel, she needs to repair the landing gear, and she needs to find out why it's not holding the oxygen she keeps pumping into it. 

She fears it won't ever be ready. 

She fear she won't ever get to go back to the ground.

Standing in front of the window overlooking the earth, she hopes Clarke is alright. She hopes that Octavia and the rest of her people are safe. She hopes little Madi isn't just as heartbroken as Raven is at her discoveries. But there's still time to fix it, to understand what's happening. 

The little green dot stares back up at her and she wonders how the grass feels there. Is it soft? Is it cold? Is it everything she remember it as being when she first landed her ship all of those years ago. When she woke to find Clarke staring at her with a smile brighter than any sun and her hair brighter than any stars. When she found Finn not long after and how he was warm to the touch and holding her like she was an angel herself. Or when she came to camp, reassuring everyone about how there wasn't enough oxygen left and agreeing with Clarke, how she helped fix the radio and how the Ark was going to kill three hundred people just for the precious oxygen they needed so desperately. 

How she watched the sky light up with flares that didn't work as three hundred and twenty people were killed. How she screamed and fought with Bellamy over what he let happen and how angry she was. She was angry a lot, but she was also sad. 

She was so, so sad.

How her heart broke over a hundred times, being wrongly tortured by one of Lexa's men, having to watch Finn die after he killed the grounders in the village he was so certain Clarke was being held in. How she blamed Clarke for what happened, but it was never her fault. It wasn't her fault that Finn fell for her and it wasn't her fault that she put him out of his misery, saving him from a far more painful death. 

She forgave people who needed forgiveness and she forgave herself. 

She forgave herself for being so mad, for being selfish, and for hurting others. 

She forgave herself over the death of Gina, who died trying to retrieve the missile launch codes from the president's office in Mount Weather, when it should've been her to go find them. It should've been Raven because it was her plan all along. She forgave herself for what she did to Abby and her friends when A.L.I.E. possessed her, that it was never truly herself doing those horrible things, it was what was controlling her. 

She wonders what would've happened to her if she had died when A.L.I.E. told her to commit suicide because she knew too much, would she have seen a white light or would she have been trapped in the City of Light like so many before her. She wonders what would've happened if she had died in the ice tank or had allowed Becca to help her choose pain instead of life. 

Would she have seen Finn? Her parents? Her friends who had died?

Jasper? Wick? Lincoln? Luna? Sinclair? 

Would she have seen any of them at all?

She's interrupted by her rampaging thoughts when she feels hands go her waist, arms sliding around and holding her. Murphy whispers something in her ear that makes her smile and she has a hard time thinking of the past when her whole future is staring her right in the face.

She likes what the future has to hold.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Worked on this for a long time and kept having to restart because I forgot drafts get deleted after a month!!  
> Sped through this part a lot, so I made it 2 chapters instead!  
> This part was supposed to be the rest of the years and super long, so sorry!!!!  
> Hope you guys like it anyways :)


End file.
